Gray

The car was still spinning through the slush and snow, about to make its way out of the drive, as I sat down at my desk.  I looked out the window and couldn't even make out the tree lines to the east, the fog was that thick. The stark white snow was startling to the dense gray that enveloped it.  

And that's when the tears started to flow.

Gray.  Heavy, thick gray.  

The emotions that I've done pretty good at pushing down have found a way to stir themselves up again. Feelings I haven't had since summer have crept back in.  

Overwhelmed.

Sad.

Worried.

Sometimes, scared of myself.

I'm doing too much.  

I'm doing too little.

I'm spinning, churning, trying hard to find the color.

But all I'm coming up with is gray.